Aftermath

Weddings, weddings, weddings. Where to begin?

Firstly: Rageblog though this may be even I, with my heart of ice, will not raise complaints about the ceremony. My sister looked stunning and the formalities themselves were a blissfully short half-hour long, though filled with tears from plenty of the people visiting. I do not understand why people cry at weddings.

Included was the most masterful piece of comedic timing I have ever experienced. As the fellow in charge of the ceremony finished saying “Is there anyone here who knows of any legal reason why these two could not be married?” the room fell quiet for a couple of seconds, only for a single baby to break the silence with a loud “GAH!”. The entire room burst into fits of laughter, even the bride was almost rolling on the floor.

The reception was in the same place, so everyone was there from 1pm til 1am the next morning getting absolutely smashed off their faces. My little cousin was there; she’s only ten years old but I’m already doing by best to try and help her develop into a responsible young woman by convincing her to go around stabbing people with a fork all while other people were competing to see who could eat the most profiteroles.

I wish some people knew better how to dress themselves, however. One woman was wearing an open-backed dress with rolls upon rolls of fat hanging out and bouncing around, it was absolutely disgusting, and another woman went with a short dress and no tights despite the fact that her legs were horrible and mottled, it was extremely unattractive. If something makes you look objectively hideous then don’t fucking wear it.

The band was excellent as well, not exactly my kind of music, but they had everyone up and dancing and they really did well to please the crowd of people, no easy task. I wish people would be more fucking careful though, twice during the night someone took a drink onto the dance floor, and twice during the night a glass was broken on the dance floor. If you can’t keep it in your fucking hands then put it down. Drunken skanks that can’t hold their liquor piss me off.

Despite that, a good time was had by all, about 250 people in total, not that it matters, the only person whose happiness I could give a crap about was my sisters, and we was happy so it went well as far as I am concerned. Of course it helped that her new husband sprung a surprise honeymoon to Paris on her. I asked him to pinch me a 'souvenir'. From the Louvre. It still wasn’t quite worth putting up with that wretched hotel for the other two days, but at least the event itself was mildly entertaining, and I didn’t have to pay for my drinks. I drank LOTS in order to get me through the night without issue. I can only hope that it is a long time before the next family event.

There was a slight bitter note for me, however. This is the first formal occasion I have been too since my fiancée and I split up, for the last FOUR YEARS I haven’t had to be alone at something like this. She and I were supposed to get married last year before my sister, even if she is older than I am (she and I were even competing for dates at one point to see which of us could pull it off first). Of course that got called off first of all and then last month... Bah, not worth mentioning. The bitch is history now.